How I Got Here
As a recovering alcoholic, I am accustomed to
all things spiritual in a practical sense.
You either learn to get your okayness
from within and above or you die.
I spent most of my life manufacturing drama because
I didn't know that I was worthy of love without it.
Unconsciously, I thought that in order to hold on
to someone, I had to appeal to a person's
instinct to fix or nurture.
I was always in need of some imagined repair
and lived
in a perpetual fear of being abandoned.
Quite predictably, I very carefully laid the groundwork
to ensure that I would be time and time again.
I didn't have relationships.
I took hostages.
And at the going rate of grand humiliation,
I released them one by one.
When it came to spirituality, I talked a good game,
but was utterly clueless about the real courage it takes
to simply be yourself in an honest way.
I was a shell who projected what I wanted you
to see, all the while remaining in a state of denial about
it, the depths of which can hardly be articulated.
I ingested every drug under the sun including
those intended for horses and bovine.
I rarely took a sober breath.
I weighed eighty-nine pounds at
age twenty-two and typically consumed a
case of beer and one hard boiled egg per day.
If you're not an addict--relax.
You haven't stumbled upon a rabbit hole
blog for which there is no escape.
While your story may not be as stupid or
dramatic, I tell mine to illustrate the extremes
that one can go to in seeking okayness
from everywhere but within and up.
Perhaps you have not snorted, bonged or slurped
your way through life, but you have without
question sought comfort in all things external.
It's who we are--it's what we do.
There will never be enough Gucci watches, dry
martinis or Krispy Kremes to fill the void within.
The hole in the soul.
Until you know with absolute clarity the starkness
and the freedom that is a byproduct of that truth, you'll
keep getting what you're getting and wondering why.
The Practice of Attraction will offer an ongoing
examination of personal accountability, service
to others in conjunction with Divine entitlements.
Come back often as I more than encourage
you to share your ideas about the law of
attraction - compassion - service - God.
~
If you have found any of yourself in the above
or someone you love, please consider
showing your gratitude by supporting
the site and saying a big...
Thanks Sue!
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