Are You Talking to Me?
There's a saying in AA that goes something like this:
When I'm disturbed, there's something wrong with me.
We all have what we believe to be justifiable anger.
The term itself makes me chuckle because what anger
wouldn't be justified if I'm feeling it?
We can validate any feeling given the proper
motivation which is typically nothing
more than a need to be right.
We carry around anger ranging
from quick fits to coal hot rage.
In reality, it doesn't matter which it is.
If you're feeling it to any degree,
you are attracting more of it to you.
Whatever you are feeling,
more of it is on the way.
In the end, it also doesn't matter why you're angry,
who did what to you or what you did to anybody else.
Notice I said in the end it doesn't matter?
In the beginning, it's everything.
By focusing on how you've been wronged,
you are setting the table for more of
how you've been wronged.
This armor of victim hood that we
all choose to clank around in...
Who in all of humanity can wear
it well and wear it lightly?
Of all the negative emotions, anger is the most
lethal not only because of its intensity, but
of how it tends to keep one so isolated
and focused on anywhere but right here.
Peace only comes in this moment.
There is nothing you can think or
feel that will ever alter that truth.
So if peace only comes in this moment,
wouldn't it be nice to be present to feel it?
Anger is about the past or some imagined slight
in the future. It's about our perceived rights
and how some jackass in the express line just
violated them with his twenty-two items
that you couldn't help but count.
Regardless of the origin, you cannot attract the life
you want until the anger dissipates--you simply cannot.
If you've been seriously harmed by another, my heart
aches for you, but the only way to escape the
agony of resentment is through forgiveness.
At my second AA meeting, someone around the
table brought up resentments and said:
"Pray that the s.o.b. has a nice death."
And while the comment nearly made coffee spew
from my nose because I was so young and stupid,
that sort of absolution frees you of nothing.
Wish for the s.o.b. all the things that you wish for yourself.
It also doesn't matter what despicable
thing has been done to you either,
it is not who you are.
Stop giving the world permission
to think otherwise by dwelling in the cellar.
Rise up.
Being responsible isn't just about showing up
for work, keeping the kids clean and paying
the bills. Part of being accountable is
seeing yourself as God does.
Viewing yourself in any other way is like
"being pecked to death by ducks"
as Maya Angelou would say.
It is a slow, slow death--one fleck
of flesh at a time.
Forgive yourself.
Forgive others.
Embrace the life you were meant
to live and you will live it.
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